Why I Needed the Breakups

I think its safe to say at some point in our lives, we’ve all experienced some sort of heartbreak. I personally have played both roles of heartbreakee and heartbreaker, I can tell you from experience, both suck.

The first time I had my heart broken, I was cheated on (on my birthday of all days) and I went through probably all the phases of grieving, really lingering on Anger. I was furious!  How could he hurt me like that? Did he ever even respect me? Did he actually care for me? Blah, Blah, Blah. Whatever. Time passed, as it does, even though we dramatically act like it won’t, and eventually I got over him.

It wasn’t easy and I was angry for a long time afterwards, but looking back, I realized that having your heart broken should open your eyes and heart to something more. You should have learned something about yourself. I definitely did.

During my relationship, I lost who I was. I got sucked into the vortex of love, and completely let go of my passions and interests. I really think a lot of people do this in relationships, and that’s probably why the flame eventually fades. We get comfortable and cozy, and get wrapped in the honeymoon stage of the relationship so much so that we want things to stay as exactly as they are. We put our “me-time” activities on the back-burner, and exchange them for “us time”. Just as you forget about objects you put away in cabinets, you forget to keep up with doing what makes you happy and essentially who you are. What you also don’t realize, is that the person your SO other fell for was the ever-changing and passionate version of you that you stowed away.

I, for example, loved exploring, kayaking, hiking, trying new foods, painting, and photography. When I dated my homebody ex, I kind of just started getting into the habit of spending my time doing a lot of what he liked to do; at home movies, xbox, and occasionally going to bars or the beach. That’s it. I was changing my habits, and before I knew it, I had really lost who I was and stopped doing all the things that really defined me and made me, ME.

Being the super stubborn person I am, I didn’t see this right away. (It literally took me YEARS).  I made the same mistakes, even if it was just subtly, in later relationships which is probably why they didn’t work out, and began to feel lost, lonely, hopeless, and eventually really depressed. Then, one day after watching my roommate completely change while dating her boyfriend, it hit me, I had done the same thing!

I NEEDED CHANGE, and badly. I grown so comfortable in my room that I had begun to fear change and the unknown, always turning down things that challenged me and pushed me out of my comfort zone. This was why I was down all the time. After finally having that revelation, I started on my journey to rediscover myself and really define who I am.

Clear-minded me would have told my past me, that before I can go on finding someone to love me, I really need to be the person to love who I am first.

“Develop a strong opinion about yourself, so that you don’t accidentally start believing what others say about you.”


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